Thursday, June 9, 2011

FINALLY!! I can blog!! Kids need their own computer

YEAH!!!  No he will give me the laptop but then sit there an bug me because I am either on Twitter or trying to get in to do a blog posting...GOODNESS I should even check the 3500 emails I can't check from my phone.  SO he wants to get a netbook with his first paycheck.   I think after his second one maybe.  Spilt half and half, but the only place so far to find a decent one is at WalMart...Not bad just have to wait and see.

SO Last night on twitter took on the challenge from twitter buddy @Hamsasya well started a couple of us saying yeah and the OFF it went like wildfire through out twitter buddies.   SO I am walking this afternoon. Trying to wait the heat of the day to die down and the traffic to slow down. So at my fav Coffee Cafe and watching my son on my ipod, just don't kill it before we go and walk....YES I SAID WE!!  he doesn't want to but I told him he didn't do baseball this summer so he will be walking with me and watching our eating habits and EXERCISING!!  He isn't liking it but tough this family will get healthier no matter what!!

My daughter is off with my mom for the summer.  She has gotten her hair cut...YEAH!! and is smiling like crazy...and miss her sooo much!!  Een with her 230AM phone call that she missed me so much and wanted to come home!!  I think this is the best for her Plus my mom is helping out with her diet and seeing if it is really wheat/gluten that is bothering her.  That maybe lot of her problem too with her weight.

I have committed to go and walk at least 2miles or so every other day....can't push everyday right now.  But I need some other ideas.  I am 430lbs so can't do much, I do have weights I take with me on the walks so that isn't bad.....Did I just say CAN'T DO MUCH....Oh bull plucky as my Gma Page would say.  I CAN DO ANYTHING!!  We were in the store last night and my son asks me to slow down walking in the store.  SLOW DOWN??  I guess I move at a pretty good pace.  I am happy I can make my kids have to work to keep up with me.  I want my children to understand movement is what we lacked for so long and now I want them to keep that movement going and get healthier.   Emily will txt me and ask if I got my walk in for the day...she is riding her bike and just staying outside when they can stand the heat....and the GNATS!!  They are horrible on the Western Slope of Colorado. 

I better get off this computer even though I just got it back from the oldest.....Get MY MOVE ON!! I had a completely different post for now but will do it later on.....GOTTA GO GET TEAMKICKASS in GEAR here!!!


SMILE! Make the world wonder what you are up too!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Just Another day at the local Coffee Cafe.....and Amazing reflection

Today in our lovely world of Colorado, I sit in the local coffee cafe and enjoy the people watching it is an amazing mixture of young & old,the colorful local yolcals, business people, retirees, raft guides (River Rats the locals call them), a mother and son enjoying a Cinnamon roll, a father and older daughter reading the USA Today and have a long philosophical conversation.  What a mixture of people...love my little piece of the world

As I sit here I am going through my life and writing in my journal(private) and then this "journal" I have had a chance to really look at people and how they treat their fellow "man".  Overall everyone is friendly, we all have a couple things in common....COFFEE and keeping warm.  At one time the place looked like the local HS computer lab....Yes me included.  It is fun even with my headphones on I am not listening to anything, people still will talk and ask questions....biggest one here....Are you from here?? I smile and nod and then the conversations start.  The one that really hit me today was this

Coffee-Friend "Not to be rude or anything is it hard living in this area being so obese and probably not able to enjoy the area?"

Me "None taken, and yes it is hard not being as active as I want to be here.  Growing up here I wasn't this heavy, loved the area went hiking  bike riding enjoyed the area. After the birth of my kids and the depression hit I didn't move."

Coffee-Friend " You can't be in a depression in this lovely area, how can you be so depressed, look at the views"  as we look out the window we see rain/snow mix fall....LOL

Me"My depression is from the situation I was in when I moved back here, not because only of me gaining weight and living here.Gaining alot of weight has made it harder, but I am never admitting defeat.  I have a plan and will be working on it"   

Coffee-friend "OH I see so have you thought about doing the BIGGEST LOSER Show?  They seemed to have a good plan.  Are you working out now and eating better?.....(I started to giggle)....Something funny?"

Me "I just tried for hte 3rd or 4th time for the Biggest Loser, working on my weight at home and then see what happens when there is another casting chance, but I am NOT about to have my whole weight loss journey just on that show...I have a plan....No trainer can't afford a gym membership or trainer.  I am doing on the what I learn from others, reading and learning all I can"

Coffee-Friend "Oh one of those health nutty fanatics haven't hit you up yet....well then here (they hand me their card) I can help, but not sure how to help you...."

Ok so that was this type of conversation I have had most this morning....There was more but after that comment I wasn't really truly sure how to answer or what was really said!!

After this Coffee-Friend left I sat back and giggled more and thought about what my life has turned out to be.  REFLECTION TIME!!!

MY LIFE IS MESSED UP!!!  No kidding.....Yes I have to say it!  HAHAHAHAHA  Whose life isn't messed up I look at what I am doing with my life and I know I could change alot but when I am not sure how, when, where and who to get help from it sit in my corner of my world and do nothing.  My daughter made we wake up this morning too.  She oh so sweetly came up to me and gave me a hug and said "Help me mommy, I don't want to be a heavy girl anymore, I don't want to be You" I know it was out of the mouth of my innocent girl, Boy it hit home.  I think I was still dealing with that when the coffee-friend started talking. I am supposed to be the role model for my children.  I can't seem to be that even though my kids tell me differently!! So this reflection day has also brought out what I need in my life....SUPPORT of my friends and family.  FAMILY!! oh that is so another blog.

People say I am so outgoing and friendly and supportive, I am to others.  Myself I don't give that same love.  I am learning how very slowly but learning.  I have listened to others, read other's blogs, researched so much in how to be happy now.  LETTING GO OF THE PAST!! 

My reflection of the day LET GO OF THE PAST, TO MOVE FORWARD IN LIFE!  leaving it at that....Moving on Grasping the day!


Sitting in my own little corner of my world in my favorite Coffee Cafe, I have people watched and learned some people want to help but not what to say or do, I love watching Friends meeting up after days or even months talking about how to Let Go and move on in life ( Two amazing ladies next to me are talking about that) Talking care of self!!  Yes have to take care of self....

Sorry this wasn't where this was supposed to go, but is anything you write what you really wanted to say in the beginning what you end up saying.....hahaha



Smile! Make others wonder what you are thinking! 


LOVE TO YOU MY "FAMILY"

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sunny & Cloudy Days....Patterns of my life and family

I am sitting here in the amazing little cafe BONGO BILLY'S, BEST TRIPLE MOCHA's in the world, and was just watching outside at the sky.  For one of a few days we have sunshine...it's nice temp too. I can see the clouds forming and moving where ever they want to go.  In a way I think that is what my life is doing. Really silly to think that way but not.

Watching the clouds form and roll and move and become brilliant white or darken up is fun, because I am feel that way on my life.  I tend to form and move one way maybe to the brilliant bright self i know I am and then sometimes to the darker side of me....sadder, more anger side of myself....Maybe I need a Jedi Master instead....different fantasy....lol 

Coming face to face with certain feeling and journaling makes a HUGE Difference in my life.  Working through issues, We each have things to work through.  I am not really sure at the the young age of 41yo who or what I am too be.  All I know now is I need to be the best Self, mom, friend, I can be to those who care about me and I care about them.  Some of my family don't realize how they say things and what  they say don't really hurt.

I have been struggling with the relationship with my father.  I think of the clouds turning  when i think of my father.  I really didn't grow up with him.  I only really got to see him 6-8 weeks out of the summer while growing up.  When I moved only 2 hrs from him instead of 5hrs I still only saw him for the summer.  My siblings are 10.5 yrs and 13yrs younger then me.  I will NEVER be anyone different then myself.  I was compared to my sister, Cristin, at one point.  She is younger then me and has all the brains....LOL  When I heard " Not all my children are smart.  My oldest can't spell."  I can to spell!!  I brushed it off....well to a point.  I felt I let people down all the time. I still do....when that happens the dark full clouds show up  stay with me for a long time. 

My family is a very mixed family...Only child of my mom & dad's horrible marriage (as told to me by both parents from the age of 8yo) I am the Oldest girl....thought up until I was 18 I was oldest child....My mom had 2 more boys younger then me and my dad had another girl and boy.  Then I found my older brother.....By the way I am the "RUNT" I am the shortest and widest of all my siblings....LOL  I love every family member so much.  My brother and sister from my dad is amazing with my weight loss journey right now.  They are trying to help me so much.  My sister is the one who told me about the changing moods or clouds in my life.  We are all adults and trying get closer......HENCE the 14er climb in 2012 Hopefully!!! We are working through our things.  Our father forget it!!!

My 2 brothers from my mom are supportive...They are my HEROES they are both military!!  Not that my brother and sister aren't my heroes in their own right!!   One bro is suffering through enough of his own things and my other brother is looking at a 7th deployment and 6th Christmas away from home at the end of this year.  Talk about Dark Rumblin Clouds with them.  My youngest bro told me to get working on weight or he will come train me MMA style----Wish he would he is into MMA!!  They love and support each other, we have our own DEMONS from growing up together and their dad.  But that is another blog day.

So all my family form and move to what their moods are just like the clouds in the sky.  more and more these days i am trying to be those Big White Fluffy Bright ones.....and try not to turn dark.  I know I need to watch my mood with my kids especially my daughter.  She is a mini me to a "T".  She is my love and she one of the wonderful reasons i wake up every morning and breathe!!!

It seems I have only barely scratched the surface to issues.  I am working through it I promise.  With the help of my siblings and now my "family" on Twitter and FB....things look better.  I know I have people who understand what I am doing and how I feel. 

Wanted to share a pic with you.....This was taken March 4th, 2011 I am 400+ pounds I have yet to officially step on scale too humiliated at the time to find out my true weight.  I am hoping that is the last time I will ever be that HEAVY!!!

We will see.....YES I have a smile and the clouds were darker that day....trying to leave to get to Denver this was day before Denver Casting Call for Biggest Loser
LOVE YA #BLTeamTwitter and All my BL Fam!  We are family no matter what!

Smile! Make People wonder what you are up too!!!   

Friday, May 13, 2011

Friday the 13th....Biggest Loser Season 12....Not losing my NEW Family

I have always liked the number 13....don't know why except that it is 31 backwards and my bday is October 31st....yes HALLOWEEN!!!  That is another story.....

So on Friday the 13th, many of us Biggest Loser Hopefuls recieved some sad news.  They have casted Season 12...and of course I wasn't notified.  I think in a way I wasn't surprised about not gettin gon this season.  SO New out look on life and journey!  This doesn't stop me like the other 3 times I tried.  I will keep trying until I can no longer be on the ranch loosing enough weight. It's a hard journey and I have met close to 50 others who are on the same journey as I am.  Those are my NEW FAMILY!  You Know who you are!!

Everyone has their stories and everyone wants to get the help. Find a Buddy doesn't have to be close but can be helpful.....Keep in touch with that person, encourage and keep each other in check.  Find more people in your/our community to get together.  Start a walking group....Best FREE exercise we can do.  Keep the positive people in your life...I know I will!!

This is short tonight of course the kids are bugging me to get out of here and get some walking in themselves. I will inspire others and hope to be inspired too.  My fav saying & motto for a longtime has been Be The Change!!  We can all Be The Change within ourselves and within others.  Be the Butterfly we all are and Change for the better! 


Not losing the new friends and Family I have made over this long journey if you wish to stay in touch I am on twitter under ArmySisterof2 (will explain if asked) and if you want to email then let me know and I will send you my email.



BE THE CHANGE!!
Smile! Make everyone wonder what you are up too

Love to all my "Family"

Monday, May 2, 2011

HEALTHY OBESE...If this isn't a true Oxymoron!

When I heard this being muttered out of my dr's mouth, I have to admit I giggled.  OH boy did I giggle.  He looked at me as if I was crazy.  I actually asked him was he crazy. 

According to him everything was pretty good in levels EXCEPT for my iron & my thyroid .....well DUH how about my WEIGHT??  Dang!  He wasn't really that concerned about my blood sugar.  Well I was concerned.  My father is Type II. His sister is Type II and I just found out that my Grandmother(their mother) was Type II and she died in 1998.  Love how family communicate! I am very concerned about it all.  My blood sugar was considered normal, but I am at a HIGH RISK!!! I am trying to really watch the intake of everything I eat my sugar and all unhealthy things.  Honestly it is hard when you are a single mom on a small budget for food. 

If I am HEALTHY OBESE....then so is my daughter. I have mentioned her before...Miss Emily is 11 yo and 145lbs.  I was 14yo @ 145lbs.  So we are doing this together.  I think...NO I KNOW i am teaching my children unhealthy habits.  I NEVER want my children or anyother children to have that TAG in their medical files "OBESE" 

I live in one of the healthist states in the USA.  SO why is there so many Unhealthy and Healthy(still makes me giggle) OBESE people.  I am sorry to say no one wants to admit what is going on in their lives to account for the weight.
I am not wanting to have that in my file anymore.  MY life is active.  i want to be out there with my children running around on the soccer field with Emily, hiking the mountians with Tyler.  Rafting with my friends....or even trying to Kayak...still a fear.  I want to try rock climbing.  I have siblings who want to see me healthy and will do anything to help.  In 2012 we will be doing a 14er....I am so excited.  Never knew my family is so supportive until I took this matter in my own head....NOT my own hands but my own head!!

IT's all in the HEAD!  So when I sit and here and think about what my dr said HEALTHY OBESE  I still giggle!!

SO for all of us HEALTHY OBESE People  start to Change! Start to move even ifit is a little bit at a time...just think about what will happen with your life when you do start.....You will be become HEALTHY!!!

I am just rambling and it seems to be a silly rambling today!  OH its just the HEALTHY OBESE person writing and the HEALTHY person struggling to get through and speak her mind!!





Smile! Make Everyone Wonder what YOU are up too!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Life Being An Overweight Mom

I never wanted to be an "overweight" mom. I wanted to be able to have fun with the kids run around at the park...going on hiking trips...feel comfortable in the swimming pool with the kids.  WOW  never thought I would be sitting here writing this and say I am 430lbs...YES OFFICAL WEIGHT!! 

Ok so Day One...ADMIT that I need to get this weight off.  I just really think about the last dr's appt I had.  The Dr told me I needed to get the weight off I may not be here in 5-10 yrs or not have the life I expect to live.  My blood work was good..except for Thyroid and Iron levels....We knew the hypothyroidism, but can honestly say HATE the feeling on the meds feel the same way off meds too.  I was told to take an Aspirin aday, but no other meds.   Dr made comment..."Jenn, you are the healthest Obese person I know, now we just need to get the weight off"   

HEALTHY OBESE....if that is an oxymoron if ever heard one...HAHA  Those 2 words should never be together.  Don't sugar-coat that I need to lose the weight  I know that!! I have known it for 12 yrs now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Overweight, Unemployed,Car Accident & a HUGE coldsore

OVERWEIGHT WOW....I wrote that down. That is like a load off my shoulders...NOT  I have been Morbidly Obese since the birth of my daughter 11yrs ago.  Now it has gotten worse. Whose fault?  I could blame my mom for not giving me enough love growing up, I could blame my father for never being there for me.  I could blame my 2nd stepfather for all the emotional, mental and "the spankings" I received for years.  I could blame my boyfriends for not loving enough.  I COULD Blame someone else but that is not who I need to blame.  I blame MYSELF.  I allowed so much to happen to me and i would blame someone or thing else for what I did to myself. I know I need to work on things and get over things....therapy!....I have kids who are doing the same thing as I am now....NOT going to allow that.  I need to work on myself, I need to feel I am worth life.  I AM WORTH SOMETHING!  So need to work on me to be a better me.....:)

UNEMPLOYED  One thing I thought I would never have to deal with in my life unemployment.  If it was me and only me I would be OK, but no I have 2 kids to support too.  I am trying all I can do but I think I need more help.  I thought I was all OK and had things planned.  It won't be hard to find another job....yeah right I can't find anything here in my little town.  Everyone goes well you may have to move well I will move but I don't have the money really to move.  I love where I am, the kids are well established here.  I know that shouldn't matter, the kids will adapt anywhere, I might not...hahahahaha....I really like this area I live in but it is a tourist community and that is what is wrong.  We really don't have some type of industry or company to sustain people a good pay!!  We so need it.  It looks like I may go to a place where I am not looking at going.  Not any better then here, but who knows something can come of this waiting.  Keeping everything crossed

Car Accident & HUGE coldsore I have to laugh at this and this is the comic relief here.....LOL  I have been under so much stress it creeped up literally overnight.  I not only was sick for about 8 days...flat on back with headache, flu like symptoms.  I think everything just hit at once!  Got over that....by the way don't think being sick for 8 days is the best way to lose weight either...I  did lose but not the best.  So then here come the car accident.....OH BOY....talk about the stress added on now. This was only the second accident I have been in in 24yrs of driving....I hit the stupid kid because he cut out in front of me.  He said didn't see me at all.  He was crossing the lanes of traffic and didn't see the car pulling into the LOAF N' JUG and me in the other lane.....YIKES.....he did admit to it, his insurance will cover it all....This isn't what I wanted to happen, no one does.  It's only a car but still  my only car, my only way to get the kids places....and because someone was in such a hurry thought he could beat the traffic or just Jack rabbited out because he truly wasn't looking...I don't know.  now I have to wait for the police to get the report done in order to file claim....What a joke!!  So getting back to what I was saying....Stress of not working and trying to provide for my kids(which is barely now), Trying to get my Application and Video's for Biggest Loser #12 in on time (Day of Accident) and then the HUGE COLDSORE.....I have to laugh at what life is giving me and just chuckle at everything.

I truly believe nothing funnier can come to me right now....If something funnier does come....I plan on laughing my butt off with wide open arms....My life is a comedy right now....believe me!!!  Come On World Bring It On!!!



Smile!! And make them wonder what you are up too